The 60k trek of the Ring of Gullion requires 2 long days hiking. The walk is roughly a circle with Newry at the 12 o’clock position. WalkNI suggest starting in Newry and working clockwise back to Newry. However, Fern had secured a lovely cottage just outside the village of Meigh roughly at the 9 o’clock point so I walked half the route around to Flagsatff Viewpoint at the 3 o’clock. However, to make this work after a few hours on the road I had to walk through the outskirts of Newry city at a point where the rather plush and occasionally surprising architectural extravagance of the well off is rather suddenly replaced by feral dog patrolled sets from East Enders (those of you from Eire should read “Fair City” for East Enders).
The NI boarder wobbles like a Saturday drunk around the backroads of this area so phone reception is variable as the various carriers try to ensure that you always have to pay roaming charges. This made coordinating with Fern and her friend Linda to pick me up at the end of today’s 31k hike troublesome. They had some difficulty finding me at Florry Bridge where I waited waving by the side of a long empty section of rural road. The difficulty was partly caused by their not having a good map but mostly because they weren’t looking out the fucking car window – they drove past me deep in animated conversation (probably about where I might be found), they did find a flat capped Flurry Bridge resident sitting on a wall in Flurry Bridge who when asked where Flurry Bridge might be denied he had ever heard of such a place…
The whole walk itself was mostly on very quite roads passing rural scenes so perfect in the bright sun they looked like BBC period drama sets. I don’t usually listen to music when I walk but on my descent from Camlough mountain I thought some music might help distract me from a niggling shin splint ache. So I plugged in my noise cancelling ear-pieces and Springsteen-ed my way downhill. However, unbeknown to me a local runner was quickly catching me and, locked in my own sound world, I had no notice of his approach so just as Bruce and I commenced our full voiced protest over “tramps like us” he overtook me…
Now all men like to think they will respond to threat in a “Bond, James Bond” fashion i.e. already nimble reflexes will instantly become needle sharp, adrenaline will pump steel into previously toned muscles and a disciplined mind will make your body adopt a defensive position while still seeking an attack advantage over any potential assailant. My own response was actually more “Bond, Brook Bond chimpanzee”.
I simultaneously jumped up and crouched down, swallowed hard but shouted like a girl, clenched my buttocks but farted, froze but sprinted away. In fact I had what must have appeared to be a very short very violent epileptic episode. Traumatic and mortifying enough but while shock may take many forms physics has its own immutable laws and they apply irrespective of intent. So when I jumped up wearing a heavy rucksack that rucksack endeavoured to continue its trajectory even though I had decided to crouch down. The result was that for a moment I sported a rucksack hat and then with a terrible slow-motion inevitability I followed that rucksack headlong downhill. The resultant “got to keep upright” dance that followed was protracted, inelegant and frankly embarrassing – arms wind-milled and hands grasped at non-existent branches, legs crossed uncrossed and re-crossed, I ended up facing up-hill in a semi-crouch with a map-case lanyard twisted like a mis-placed umbilical cord around my neck. My flaying unseated one of my earpieces so just as Bruce was crescendoing to his declaration that he “was born to run” in one ear the other ear could hear the actual runner’s gasping laughter as he rounded the downhill bend. Its the sort of episode that could ruin a day but even this couldn’t dent the feel good effect of this lovely walk.
Tomorrow I will once again be accompanied by my friends Carrie and Darryl who will be their usual great company but should my shin splints get so acute that I need to shorten the day’s distance I will have them to both blame and help get me back to the accommodation.
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